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Overwhelmed

I am filled with anxiety about school right now. Looking ahead for the next two months with all these exams, quizzes, homework, and projects overwhelms me. This is the part that I did not miss about school. I never really had the time to enjoy life because of this insane work load at school being pushed on me. *sigh* On top of that, I'm planning to submit an application for the SAILS scholarship. I'm not sure if I will get it because it's super competitive, but it's worth a try, right? 

Welcome to Fall 2015.

This semester I'm taking Advanced Financial Management and Economics of Business Decisions. I already knew from the get go that the Finance class will be my most challenging one of this semester. Only three weeks in and I already had to take 2 quizzes and an exam. I did not do well on the exam. But at least I know how the format of the exams go, some of the questions were exactly the same as the quizzes. The professor also provided a formula sheet so there's no need to spend time memorizing formulas I will never use after this class. I'm not too sure about the other class yet. We only have three exams and the first one isn't until next month, on all 8 chapters. That is quite a lot, but we only have an hour and a half worth of taking an exam so I'm hoping it won't be too bad. I just want this semester to go by quickly because this is one of the most challenging to keep up with two quantitative classes. But it will be the last that I need to take them. Ugh, another year to go. I'm ready to be done with school already!!!

Also, good news. I have applied to study abroad in Italy for the Spring 2016 term and got accepted. I am so excited! I have been waiting for this for two whole years. Even if I have to keep paying all these bills for school, I hope this trip is worth it.

I also got a new laptop. I'm back to using the Toshiba brand. I hated that damn Acer that I had for 4 years, ever since I had gotten it.

My progress on violin is getting better. I don't have a chance to practice everyday as I'd like to, but I'm beginning to get familiar with the notes. I'm also back to playing the flute every once in awhile. I was thinking of selling all of my three flutes, so I can have one good one to play on. But that is not necessary to get right now. Maybe in the future.

So recently, I had to get rid of a lot of people in my life. The ones that were holding me back from being successful and happy. My social life has become a lot quieter now, but at least I won't surround myself with people who are flakes. 

Violin

So about an hour ago, I randomly purchased my first violin off Amazon.com. The Stentor 2. I heard it was supposed to be a good student violin. I recently started playing my flute again and after a couple of days, I regained my solid tone that I once had back in my flute playing days. I can also remember most of the fingerings for the notes and still keep a decent rhythm. I still need to work on my vibrato though. It is much more enjoyable to play it when I'm not obligated to practice because of school. I'm not judged, I don't have to worry about playing in front of anyone, I don't have to worry about competition, and I can comfortably mess up. There's no timeline of getting a technique perfect. But now, I want to learn a new instrument and develop my musical skills on it. I've always wanted to play the violin for years. Although I have a short amount of time before Fall semester starts, I want to invest in a more productive hobby. 

Cool for the Summer

School is out for the summer. I think I pretty much passes both of my classes with A's, which is a nice end to this crazy school year. I have 4 semesters left and a year and a half to go. I plan on enjoying every moment of free time that I don't spend at work. I also plan to increase my work outs since I've been slipping a bit with the eating and working out because of school. I want to join some type of dance class to keep my life somewhat interesting.

I've been rewatching Gossip Girl again. It reminds me of my high school/undergrad days. It nice to remember how I was before I got sucked in a relationship with someone for 4 years. More carefree. Having the ability to do whatever I want without answering to anyone. 

In a rut

So lately, I've been in a rut. I'm neither happy nor sad. I do get quite a bit angry and irritated more often. I've just been going through the motions at work and school. I suppose it's nice to have a routine finally set in place after all these months of chaos. But sometimes, it brings me so much stress and I just want to say "Screw it all". I've been staying in more at home on the weekends. Netflix tends to win over socialization. I deactivated my online dating profiles because I do not have the energy nor desire to meet anyone new. In fact, I'm closing myself off to expanding my social circle indefinitely. I'm not sure how long this will last.

Sunday Thoughts

The end of the spring semester is near and I'm getting pretty antsy. I have to keep motivating and pushing myself to do the best that I can, and stop procrastinating with school work all the time. I have already scheduled my summer and fall classes, so I'm all set for the next two semesters. Next month will be a year that I've been in the MBA program. It was a very difficult first year to adjust back to the academic life, while juggling a full time job and getting my personal life straight. But I've made it through, and now I only have a year and a half left before graduating.

Ever since I was about 12-13 years old, I thought I had relationships all figured out...despite the fact that I didn't date my first real boyfriend until I was 14 years old. But I thought that from listening to all these love songs, watching romantic comedies, reading books/magazines, etc...that I would avoid the devastating heartbreak and making stupid decisions. I used to keep a list of qualities that I want in a guy, not realizing that sometimes you have to compromise those qualities with an actual person's flaws. Nobody's perfect. One of the things I laugh at myself about now, was that after my first serious relationship, I hoped that the next guy I dated would be extremely attractive enough to make all my female friends envious. Why? Because I was insecure when I was younger. I felt like no attractive guy wanted to seriously date me. I guess I got what I wanted. But it came at a large cost. With dating a guy who is physically attractive, comes arrogance and a large inflated ego. On the extreme side, was extreme insecurity and the ability to easily manipulate people. All those personality traits were huge turn offs and it had made me become unattracted to that person. I realize now that looks aren't everything. There are many more qualities than physical appearance that attracts me to someone. Now it's all about how someone carry themselves (do they generally have a positive aura around them?), how comfortable I am around them (can I talk to them about anything and everything?), and how genuine they come across to me. I believe I have fine tuned my abilities to judge who I would be able to get along with, and who I wouldn't be able to get along with.

While I still may not be arrogant and full of myself, I know with the accomplishments and milestones I hit in my life...I know my definitive worth. I know that I'm date-able. I know what I have to offer. If the feeling isn't mutual between me and that person, I won't waste my time trying any type of relationship. But these days, it seems that genuine people are hard to come by. Sometimes, I miss having a drink with someone I have a connection with, and having intelligent conversations with that person. But I feel a lot more comfortable being alone now. So I am not too worried about being in another relationship. 

25th Birthday

So I'm officially a quarter of a century old. I'd say I'm proud of myself for still having goals and direction in my life. I have less than two years until I finish graduate school, I've been promoted to coordinator in less than two years I've worked at UNF, and I don't have any toxic relationships derail my life. So far, this has been one of the best birthday I've had in years. 

Ending the year with New Girl reruns.

I've said enough about what happened in the year 2014. All I can say is, I want to achieve happiness, healthiness...and I wouldn't mind finding true love again. I hope 2015 will be significantly better than the last two years. See you next year.

A future relationship.

I am slowly getting back to a point where I may be open to seriously dating again. So far, some of the qualities that I'd really like in a guy would be that they are kind, patient, funny, understanding, respectful, a little bit adventurous, and open-minded. What I need at this point is someone who is stable. I've been involved with too many unstable men in my life, it's time for a change. The start of my next relationship should be easygoing, and not full of drama. I am not looking for random hookups. I am kind of glad that my libido is pretty low compared to my younger years, it's keeping me out of trouble and I am less likely to catch an STD. 

Empire State of Mind

I miss the city so much. I want to go back so bad and hang out in the other areas of Central Park. And discover more unique restaurants to eat at. To walk in the streets of Brooklyn while listening to Sia's "Chandelier" in my headphones. Getting into the rush of the subway system and go anywhere within my heart's desire. It was my greatest escape out of the hectic life I'm living right now.